i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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