remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
