If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
