the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
i out mim tonsoeep
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize