So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Randomize
