It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it glows. i had to have it.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
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