I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
4 words: hood of his car
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
