mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
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