What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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