At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I need a beard to bite.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
