found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
They took my balls.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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