Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
We're too hungover to prance.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
