I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
