I'm jealous of your bromance
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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