I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
