I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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