btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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