accomplished twins. life is a go
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Randomize
