Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Randomize
