Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
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When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
The beers last night were like the tears from god
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
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