I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
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