In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize