Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
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