I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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