I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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