As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Randomize
