I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
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