She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Randomize
