Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Randomize
