So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Randomize
