I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
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I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
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I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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