I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
