btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
