Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
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