im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
