Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
