having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
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