No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
