After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
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