If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Randomize
