I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Randomize
