my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
