i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Randomize
