i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
True strength comes from lack of pants
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