so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
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It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
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They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.