I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy