I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen