I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
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Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
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I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing