GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.