This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
