I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
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