so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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