Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Randomize
