watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
