I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
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