I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
