You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Success! We fucked roommates!
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
