i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
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