You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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