She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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