I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
