i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Randomize
