After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
OPIZZABONMYDICK
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Randomize
