How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
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