Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
So many bounce houses so little time
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Randomize
