i wish starbucks made bloody marys
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
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