I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
