I think i sorta joined a cult last night
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Randomize
